just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
