So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
