this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
