Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
