I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
