sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
