Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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