Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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