69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
