Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
