i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
