If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
