it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My first STD was from a foam party
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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