GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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