Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
