how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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