He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
