I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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