I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
