i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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