All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
