you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
