the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
