Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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