so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
