**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
