Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
