I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Come see our sink grown plant.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
