WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
