your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
