wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
