Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
