I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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