Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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