He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
