Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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