You smell like a Billy Joel song
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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