I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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