look no pants
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
