I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
