God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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