Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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