If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
