Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
