Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
