dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
