I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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