Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
