How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
