Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
